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Drink Pucks by Really Horrible Enterprises

Each DrinkPuck will store enough cold energy to chill down one small, measured drink in a couple of minutes. Put it back in the freezer to recharge for your next drink. It will be cold again in 10-20 minutes, depending on how long it has been out. Keep this in mind when ordering. If you intend to have few drinks in a row (who am I to judge?), you might want to order more than one DrinkPuck. Also, it depends on how many friends you have over. If you drink alone ... well ... again, I'm not one to judge.

The soapstone is quarried in Quebec, Canada and driven to my production facility by teams of husky beavers. I cut and polish each DrinkPuck personally. The hockey pucks are the same ones used in the NHL, just hollowed out with an appropriately sized hole. Those are harvested after their prime growing season from Czechoslovakian lowland puck bushes where my agents purchase and dry them. The finished pucks are then flown to Canada where they are finished and prepared for sale to you.

Okay. Some of that is a lie. I am Really Horrible, remember?

DrinkPucks make great groomsmen's gifts as well as unique presents for Christmas, birthdays or just to surprise a good friend. Who needs a reason to spread around how awesome you are? Give these for a good reason or no reason at all, and you'll be fondly remembered forever. Hallowe'en? Why not. Easter? Go for it.

When you receive your DrinkPucks, they will be a medium grey colour. After the first use, each will begin to darken. Don't worry. This is normal, and desirable. The surface is oxidizing a bit and building up a nice barrier. Soapstone is impermeable to liquids already and an inert material, so no liquids or odours will soak in.

Caring for your DrinkPucks is simple. Rinse and put back in the freezer. You can dry them if you want. You can even run them through the dishwasher if you have to, but I'd advise against it. That would break down the lovely patina on the surface. Remember, soapstone is soft, as stone goes. You can probably scratch it with your fingernail.

After all that, please enjoy responsibly. Do not 'drop the puck' into your drink. That could damage the glass, your precious liquor, and the DrinkPuck. The preferred method is to turn the glass upside down over a DrinkPuck in your other hand. Then invert. Boom.

I also suggest using straight-sided glasses. Your DrinkPuck is a weighty piece of stone, and may have unpredictable and surprising results in tulip-shaped glasses. Nobody finds that hockey-player-grin attractive.

Drink Right.